Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
