I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Randomize
