I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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