I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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