i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
