I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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