i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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