1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
