do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
