Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
