Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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