I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I woke up under a house in Key West
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
