does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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