hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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