You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
