Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
