I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
