Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
