I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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