take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
