Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Nicole vs. Life
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
