This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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