When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
