New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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