You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
