I hate all girls vehemently.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
