Well apparently he's into motor boating.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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