this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
