I will die if light touches me.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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