she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
