Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
