i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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