i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
