Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
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