We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
