I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
