I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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