Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
