Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
where are you?
Hypothermia
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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