a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think I sprained my soul last night
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
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