I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
