ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
