I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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