just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
