she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
