The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
