I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
no you cant smoke seaweed
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
