Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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