Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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