Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
